September 30, 2014

Lily says ..

 
I thought I heard LIly ask me a question and when i walked in the room this is how I found her.                                   Me: what are you doing silly?                Lily: I'm talking to charley,mom. He's in my heart remember.                                                    - The innocence of a child 

June 11, 2014

April 8, 2014

Letter to my little honey bee....

Dear Evelyn,

   Three weeks ago, in a whirlwind you finally decided to join our family. One minute im getting ready for bed and the next minute (ok a few hours later) im squeezing your fathers hand as you enter the world. In a blink of an eye you were laying on my chest and i was falling deep in love with you.


The last three weeks have been magic,darling. Although you have only been here a few weeks, I feel like you have been here forever,as though we have met before.

Although I am still recovering from your birth (fractured tailbone ugh) , I try and make sure we have at least one daytime nap together each day. Inevitably i wake up before you do and i steal a few minuets to soak you up- to memorize your smell, your sounds, the feel of your skin against mine, the look of your milk-drunk grins. It is no wonder to me that mothers have been doing this for millennia; there is no greater bliss then being fully present in the moment with a beloved child.


That said, oh boy, girlie, has parenting thrown us for a loop. More then once at the end of the day your father and i have looked at each other exhausted, and commented on how you are simply a higher-needs baby. Everything that came easily with your sister has been a greater challenge with you. You have trouble latching to the breast. You can be set down for MAYBE fifteen cumulative minuets in a day- MAYBE- including diaper changes before you start shrieking like a banshee anytime you momentarily leave human contact. You are exceedingly finecky about sleep, which is to say you only get a nap if you are snuggly tucked inside a carrier which is strapped to my chest while i pace the house until you drift deeply into sleep, or are laying in my arms, OR have a nipple in your mouth. Sometimes you cry for seemingly no reason for an hour or so straight then you let out a little toot and all is good in the world again.

We are slowly getting better at meeting your needs, though. I've sorted out the breastfeeding issues , which really seemed to be the bulk of most of our issues. You are in your ergo most of the time during the day, and whenever we go out, the close contact comforts you and keeps you happy. And well your going to love me for this one but you now poop a few times a day as compared to your once a week poops in the beginning.


And so it goes...

One day when your older and have a chance to read this, I want you to know that you have been a magnificent addition to our family. Your father, your sister, and I are absoltuley over the moon in love with you. We are all enamored by the sounds you make in your sleep and the smiles you throw at us when your belly is full and your diaper is clean. We love marveling in your existence; the smallness of your fingers, the way your toes can grip just like your fathers, and the look of shock on your face everytime you sneeze.

To us, everything about you is perfect.

I love you more than you will ever know.
Love, 
Mama 

February 11, 2014

Family of three



Well it’s become inevitable – we’re having a baby. Very soon. I’m at that point of pregnancy where it technically could happen anytime, so my mind is pretty consumed with it all. I’m uncomfortable, having fairly regular braxton hicks contractions and large enough to never forget there is a fully formed human inside my torso. My emotions are all over the place which is saying a lot because I’ve been fairly level headed this go around (Jason has agreed). I’m so excited, so nervous, so overwhelmed with what is about to happen in our lives. It’s huge, like super huge. It’s been a long time coming, and all three of us are over the moon excited!


Liliana has been our entire universe for over 4 years now. It’s pretty much impossible for me to comprehend  loving another little person like I do her. Enjoying every tiny milestone and moment over again as much as I enjoyed and cherished it the first go around. I know – it will just happen. I know it will because that is just how it works, and plus I have been told it will by many different people. In a few weeks I am sure  I will look back on this feeling and laugh because I will be holding a baby I love and I will understand. I love her already you know? But I don’t know her. It’s awesome to me that in years I can look back on this same post and laugh as well, as I’ll know her as well as I know Lily and I won’t be able to imagine life without her.


I think seeing them together is what I am most looking forward to. Lily is SO excited. She is going to be an amazing big sister. I used to really worry about the age difference. I worried that since they will be 4 years apart they will never be interested in the same things, be in the same phase of life,  have nothing in common. But the more I think about it the happier I am to have this age difference. She knows exactly what is going on, wants so badly to help and teach her things, and I just know that despite those 4 years, they are going to be great friends. Of course they could hate each other later on, but I just have this feeling they won’t. I can’t wait for that moment she finally gets to see her (pretty sure at this point she thinks we are lying about her ever coming – 10 months is a LONG time to anyone, let alone a 4 year old). I get all misty even thinking about the two of them together.

Of course on the other hand I am totally terrified of parenting two kids. Lily is an age where she is very independent. It’s hard in many ways, but not in the way and infant is hard. We have been getting a full nights sleep for like 4 years. She’s potty trained, plays independently when she wants to, feeds herself, all of that jazz. I know it will all be a learning curve, just as having her was. I’m scared but excited for the challenge. 

I can already taste the insane range of emotions I am going to have in the next few weeks. My EDD is March 18th which gives us 5 weeks give or take a week (Lily was exactly a week early). Every morning I have been trying to remind myself that these are the last weeks of us being a family of three. That in a few short weeks, all of our lives are going to change forever. Especially the little girls life that is currently nestled into my side,sucking her thumb watching Dora. 






Final Countdown: 5 weeks until Baby Girl

I am officially uncomfortable. It seems this little lady has decided to settle down further in my hips and back and all of a sudden WOW! I feel like a legit pregnant woman. It came on so suddenly this week but I can not get comfortable, my hips and pelvis feel so ache-y and sore all of the time now. I am also having very regular braxton hicks contractions and overall I can just feel my body really starting to loosen and prepare for the fact that this little girl will be making her entrance into the world soon.

I had a pretty good ob appointment yesterday, super quick and simple. Baby girl was stretching like crazy and her heart rate was in the steady 167 range. As of yesterday I have actually lost a pound -which puts me at a total gain of 19 pounds.Much less then Liliana at this point so yay!!! She is also measuring right on track, which is wonderful.




December 10, 2013

Letters to Little Miss

Letters to Little Miss.
Baby girl,
This is my first letter to you, although you’ve been hearing an earful from your mama for a while now.
You are such a magical, new thing in my life. Some parts of you feel so familiar to me already. Your movements and kicks, the rounding of my belly and this ache in my back. But there are parts of our journey so far that are distinctly yours. Time spent imagining your face. Trying different names out on my tongue.
For now, I study your last ultrasound photos - looking closely at the perfect curve of your head,and the grainy photo of your nose and lips. There is something about this tiny peek into you becoming you that keeps linger in my thoughts. That perfect nose, those little lips that already look so much like ones I kiss daily- you feel like everything I know and yet, remarkably different.
I am awed by what you have become in 6 months time and how much you’ve shifted and shaped our family already. We are making room for you in every part of our home and hearts. We await your newness. Anticipate your familiarity. And can not wait for you to arrive.
Love,
Your Mama

September 21, 2013

Tiny Ballerina

I helped her pull her arms through the soft pink leotard with a little lump in my throat. The moment felt important. Soon after, she stood on our back patio, arm on her hip and as I clicked the button on my camera, I knew I was capturing so much more than a photo.
Liliana's first ballet class.
She has been waiting for this moment for over a year. I searched high and low until I could find a dance studio that had a weekend class for her age group. Most of them only offered classes on weekday evenings when i was not guaranteed to be off of work and, I wasn’t going to miss a single class.
If ever there was a reason to blog - to capture all the little moments - it’s the constant reminder that this stage - my tiny, pink-clad girl with her hair piled high on her head - will be gone before I’m even done soaking her in.


We arrived at the studio and Lily without missing a beat slipped into her tiny ballet slippers, and followed the little group of girls into the room where her dance class would take place. Only glancing back for a second to wave me on my way.
I peeked through the curtain, a smile on my face, as I watched her concentrate on her teacher’s directions. She skipped and hopped and shimmied and shuffled. She was so enthralled that she never looked up to wave at me - not once. She was having entirely too much fun.
Before I knew it my little ballerina was tip toeing out of class, hands raised above her head, glowing. Her first question: “Can I come back again?”  She has asked me multiple times since, how many days until ballet class again.
It’s too early to know if she will develop a passion for dance and if she doesn't that is fine too, but for now I will breath in every little moment of my tiny ballerina.




September 2, 2013

Preschool- she never looked back

Well we did it!! We made it through the first day of preschool, and when I say we, that is exactly what I mean. Watching your kids grow up is such a wonderful experience but boy is it an emotional roller coaster.

Liliana has always walked into any room as if she was meant to be there. Confident and wide open, unafraid of anything new.Watching the way she interacts with the world, even at this young age,  has proven to me that at our core most of us are who we are. As parents, we certainly have a lot of influence over some of our children’s manners and actions, but so much of what shapes our personalities is not trained or taught, it’s as innate to our being as having brown eyes or athletic ability. 

Last week, I walked Liliana up to her new classroom, She walked right in, said hello to her teachers and sat right down on the group rug with the other kids in her class, just like she had done it a hundred times before. She barely acknowledged my leaving and a twinge of bittersweet pain struck me as i marveled at the ease in which she adjusts to new environments. For all that confidence, sometimes I wish she’d need me just a little more. I lingered in the doorway hoping she’d look up at me before we left.


It’s so curious to me, how much my heart has see-sawed back and forth as I watch Liliana enter this new environment. How I wish my daughter, just every now and then, would look back one last time.


Liliana started preschool last week, wearing a Cinderella book bag that was nearly the same size of her little body. No tears were shed. Art projects were sent home and goldfish crackers were consumed. She took another step towards childhood and away from babyhood. I waved goodbye. She never looked back.



After I dropped her off on her first day, I sat in my car for a few minutes, sorting out the jumble of sadness and pride that had settled down on me. It’s a combination of emotions that becomes more familiar with each year that passes.


But what a beautiful thing to watch unfold- My beautiful little girl, a little more each day, becoming the unique person she is meant to be.
Lily started preschool in Mrs. Websters class rm 12 on 8/29/13

May 21, 2013

Fun in the Sun






Yesterday, was a nice hot humid day in the 90's. So we decided to take full advantage of finally having our own yard and garden hose, and hooked up Lilys very first sprinkler.Needless to say she had a BLAST playing in the fresh cool water.
There is just something about a sprinkler that makes you feel like a kid again, I don't know if it is the freedom of running in your bare feet through the cold wet grass or what but we love it, and are looking forward to a summer filled with lots of sprinklers.

February 2, 2013

Lily says

Today looking out the window at all of the snow I said to Jason " wow it looks like we have about a foot of snow already this morning" lily in turn reciprocates with " wow mom look at all the feets the snow has see dad the snow has feet" lol
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