Letters to Liliana

September 12, 2012

 Dear Liliana,

My darling Liliana.... Happy Birthday to you!!

I realize now why on their children's birthdays mamas everywhere say reminiscing things like " On this day X number of years ago, I was bringing you into this world" It's because it is something that will always feel like it was yesterday, whether that X is a 3 or 33. Every year on this day for the rest of my life I will relive the power, emotion and love of that experience.

Truly it feels like just yesterday I was in the hospital holding your tiny body against mine. I was overcome with joy and lost in the shock that you were here and I was actually holding you in my arms. All of the months of anticipation and planning had come and gone so fast. You have changed everything about my, Lily Bear. I move and act and think differently since you were first laid across my chest. I have more purpose behind my reasons and more motivation to my actions.

I have intently watched you grow from an Infant, to a Baby, to a Toddler, and now to what I am hearing is called a pre-schooler. All of these stages have come and gone in what feels like a single breath. Each stage a little more exciting than the last. 

I marvel in your existence and spirit. I am so proud of you creativity and energy and the way that you are so accepting of everyone that you meet. I love you engaged you are with the what is around you always exploring and asking how and why. You are so lovely in your smallness, in your braveness, and in the sweetness of your heart. Here is to three wonderful and beautiful years of you Liliana Lee. On this very day three wonderful years ago in the heart of the night I was bringing you into this world - and it was the start of everything.

I can't wait to marvel in another year of love and exploration with you, my darling girl. Here is to a life time of watching you grow and become.The world is yours for the taking and I have no doubts that it was you will do.

I love you with every part of my being 
for Forever and a Day


July 16, 2011 

Dear Liliana,

    You turned twenty-two months on Tuesday and all we have to show for it is a bubbly amazing little girl.  This boggles my mind, lilybear. How your father and I ever lucked out and created YOU, someone so much better than either of us.  All I know is that I’m glad we did.  You are still, now and forever, the very best part of our lives together.  You made us a family.

   Your comprehension and language development has been astounding to witness this month.  Every day you make new associations that stun us.  Just the other week, I took you to the beach to relax and play in the sand ( notice i didn't say in the water, because for some reason you are absolutely terrified of going within 5 feet of the water, and not just the lake, ponds,creeks, and pools too) As we played in the sand something caught your eye, your face beamed and you jumped to your feet exclaiming"wook mama wook a kite a kite" and before I could parrot kite back to you, you jumped with excitement "mama kite fly in the sky high,wook mama kite in the sky" I was so taken back that you knew what a kite was let alone what it was doing and where. After the man with the Kite left, you were still so taken in by the flying kite that we talked about it, and do you know what you told me? You told me "Mama kite and ba-fly(butterfly) fly high in sky" Lily you make me so proud and continue to amaze me Every single day.

You also have embarked on the wonderful world of imaginary play. Sometimes while I am doing the dishes or getting lunch ready you will disappear. I always know exactly where to find you, in your room. You love your room but more importantly in your room, is your doll house. You absolutely ADORE your doll house you play so contently with just yourself, bun, and of course the people who live in your beloved house. Just the other day I found in the store accessories for your house and i picked up the babies room one; complete with crib, rocking chair, and seat. You were thrilled. Now whenever you play you kiss the baby on the head and gently put her in her crib, never forgetting to cover her with her blanky.

  Also you have actually decided enough was enough and that my mother and daddy's mother will no longer be "a very grunt like noise" but be "grammie and nana" . You adore your grandparents. We actually have to be careful about when we talk about them around you, because you automatically get your "shooz" and run to the door saying "cum on mama wetz go".

  And oh my goodness your ability to memorize things is very impressive. You know words to pretty much all of your songs and don't just sing them while they are playing in the cd player, but you will break out in song a dance at any given minuet. That my little one is amazing. Not to mention you can sing the abc's with little or no help from me, count to 12 and actually know what you are counting, and talk about pretty much every color, all though you love to tell me everything is either BOO (blue) or WED (red).

  You are such an amazing little girl, and I am soooooo proud to be your mother. I love you to the moon and back sweetie, and with all of the changes that we are constantly going through that is one thing that will NEVER change.

Love, your mama

April 11, 2011

Dear Liliana,

   It is so hard for me to believe that tomorrow you are going to be 19 months old. Over a year and a half , how did that time go by so fast I swear it happened in only an instant. I can still feel the excitment of holding you in my arms for those first moments, kissing your head,whispering how much i love you in your ears, comforting your first cries, and feeding you for the first time.All of these memories are still so raw and yet here you are a toddler a 19 month old beautiful little girl with your mommy's hair and your daddy's eyes.
   More so lately I have been reminded that you are Not a baby anymore, but a Toddler. It is still hard for me to grasp. I often just stop and watch you in amazement of how much you have learned in these past few months and how very smart you are. I am so proud of you, words can not express the amount of pride that my heart is filled with for you. Watching you problem solve, and play is like watching the ocean waves hit the shore, it is one of those things that just draws you in, and doesn't allow you to look away.  It is like a warm spring breeze, after a hard winter, you just want to soak it up and enjoy every last minuet. That is how i feel when I watch you do anything Lily. Especially knowing what I now know, how quickly time seems to fly by.
   Your father and I have been teaching you your ABC's and how to count to ten. I must say you have the counting down, you jumble the numbers up sometimes but you speak them so well, and are so proud of yourself. You are such the little artist coloring and writting on anything that we allow. You can find a pen or writting instrument in an instant, sometimes I think you are hiding them in your diaper or pull them out of thin air. The other day Daddy and I caught you coloring on the wall with crayon, secretly i was proud.
  You have started to form your own sentences, and speak more and more clearly everyday. You repeat EVERYTHING that you hear and i mean everything. Just today as I was making you lunch you put in your very own dvd baby wordsworth and hit play, you repeated EVERY word that they introduced during the show. I was amazed I never knew you could say table, chair or window. You are amazing and as much as it seems to fill my mama heart with sadness for how quickly our days go by, I feel so blessed to be able to watch you grow and explore new things EVERYDAY.
  I love you with all of my heart and soul, and I am honored to be your Mama. I look forward to many more daily discoveries with you.


 April 6, 2011

Dear Liliana,

  Tonight we took you to the mall for a quick trip; you waived to the Easter Bunny and Mommy and Daddy got fitted for wedding bands, and than we left. Once we got you back in the car and buckled up, we noticed Bunny was missing. ( oh jeez just writting this im tearing up). I took off back into the mall rushing around asking everyone if they had seen a little well loved pink bunny blanket. I retraced our steps over and over again, and filled out countless missing item reports. Disappointed and heart broken for you I fought back tears as I walked back to the car checking each garbage can that I pasted. I could not believe how upset I was over a tiny lost bunny.
  Being your Mother has changed so much inside of  me. It has made me a much stronger women. Yet instilled this warm soft spot, that lets my heart break at just the thought of you hurt, sad, or disappointed. I wish that i could shield and protect you from all those things. But i know no matter how hard I try I can not.
  With that being said, I am happy and relieved to say YOU had bunny with you the whole time. As I walked out of the mall and back into the parking. Head hung down low. I looked up and there you were smiling and waving at me bunny in hand, just where she belonged snuggled in your embrace.
  You teach me so much everyday about life. And today I learned that my heart though very strong, can break in a instant for you. Also, that i really need to keep a better eye on bunny when i let you bring her places. I love you so much Liliana, you are my world my everything and i promise to protect you from as much hurt and disappointment as humanly possible


December 25, 2010

Dear Liliana,

A year ago on Christmas day you were a tiny 3 month old with a gummy smile, and curious eyes. Everything and everyone was still so new to you.  You sat quietly in the laps of your relatives just taking everything in, and enjoying all the festivities.Your first Christmas was just as incredible as we thought it would be and a million times better. You were and still are the greatest gift we have ever received.

And Today, as we sit and watch you slowly open your gifts, we are thankful to be so truly blessed. We watched you, Your eyes so big as you took everything in. You showered us in good morning kisses and giggles as you crawled towards dada in your new tent and play tunnel.

You were the center of attention and entertainment at EVERY christmas party that we went to. You were so cute. You danced, twirled, jumped, talked, played, ran,and loved everywhere we went. You brought the Christmas spirite and excitement back into everyones lives. You gave the gift of Christmas.

It is so hard for me to believe that you have already experienced your second christmas, and I find myself asking the same question once again; where did the time go?

With that, I just wanted to say Thank you Lily, Thank you for filling everyone's hearts with love, joy and appreciation for the holidays. I love you so much, more than I can ever express to you, and I am trully greatful to have you as my daughter. Merry Christmas Baby Girl.


 December 12, 2010

Dear Liliana,

It is so hard for me to believe that you are already 15 months old. Where did all that time go? It seems like just yesterday I sat in our bathroom holding that positive pregnancy test in complete amazement.

Before you were born, I couldn’t really imagine actually having you in my arms to hold, even though I dreamed it everyday. And then when you were there, it was impossible to imagine you being anything but a sleepy, snuggly newborn. Hard as I tried, I didn’t really know what it would feel like to see you laughing back at my smile until the moment came - or you walking carefully across the living room into my open arms until we were living it.

I dreamed those moments. I Tried to imagine - but each time I learned that the true experience was much more than my heart anticipated.

These days, I daydream of holding your hand one day as we cross the street together. I dream of teaching you to write your name or ride a bike. I dream of dancing with you across our floor dressed in old, fluffy dresses. Sometimes I try to imagine what your little girl voice will sound like.

But those days are still waiting for us. They are precious, joyful acts of living that you and I have not yet reached. and so they stay floating unanchored in my mama heart until those tangible moments one day find us both.


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