Well it’s become inevitable – we’re having a baby. Very soon. I’m at that point of pregnancy where it technically could happen anytime, so my mind is pretty consumed with it all. I’m uncomfortable, having fairly regular braxton hicks contractions and large enough to never forget there is a fully formed human inside my torso. My emotions are all over the place which is saying a lot because I’ve been fairly level headed this go around (Jason has agreed). I’m so excited, so nervous, so overwhelmed with what is about to happen in our lives. It’s huge, like super huge. It’s been a long time coming, and all three of us are over the moon excited!
Liliana has been our entire universe for over 4 years now. It’s pretty much impossible for me to comprehend loving another little person like I do her. Enjoying every tiny milestone and moment over again as much as I enjoyed and cherished it the first go around. I know – it will just happen. I know it will because that is just how it works, and plus I have been told it will by many different people. In a few weeks I am sure I will look back on this feeling and laugh because I will be holding a baby I love and I will understand. I love her already you know? But I don’t know her. It’s awesome to me that in years I can look back on this same post and laugh as well, as I’ll know her as well as I know Lily and I won’t be able to imagine life without her.
I think seeing them together is what I am most looking forward to. Lily is SO excited. She is going to be an amazing big sister. I used to really worry about the age difference. I worried that since they will be 4 years apart they will never be interested in the same things, be in the same phase of life, have nothing in common. But the more I think about it the happier I am to have this age difference. She knows exactly what is going on, wants so badly to help and teach her things, and I just know that despite those 4 years, they are going to be great friends. Of course they could hate each other later on, but I just have this feeling they won’t. I can’t wait for that moment she finally gets to see her (pretty sure at this point she thinks we are lying about her ever coming – 10 months is a LONG time to anyone, let alone a 4 year old). I get all misty even thinking about the two of them together.
Of course on the other hand I am totally terrified of parenting two kids. Lily is an age where she is very independent. It’s hard in many ways, but not in the way and infant is hard. We have been getting a full nights sleep for like 4 years. She’s potty trained, plays independently when she wants to, feeds herself, all of that jazz. I know it will all be a learning curve, just as having her was. I’m scared but excited for the challenge.
I can already taste the insane range of emotions I am going to have in the next few weeks. My EDD is March 18th which gives us 5 weeks give or take a week (Lily was exactly a week early). Every morning I have been trying to remind myself that these are the last weeks of us being a family of three. That in a few short weeks, all of our lives are going to change forever. Especially the little girls life that is currently nestled into my side,sucking her thumb watching Dora.
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